I Love You
by Ella Young
Summary: Charity tries to show that she respects their relationship. (Charity/Vanessa)


I Love You

By

Ella Young

Charity carefully placed the green toothbrush in the porcelain holder and looked around the immaculate bathroom. It was very Vanessa. Bright yellow tiles and clean white surfaces, the odd hint of blue, and a shower curtain adorned with fish.

She decided to leave the empty packaging on the top of the toilet cistern. Not too obvious, but definitely visible, making a statement, showing intent.

Charity glanced back in the mirror. The bruising around her mouth had lessened, but she needed to up her game a bit, get her roots done, sort out the slightly bedraggled look that she knew she had been sporting lately. She had messed up again and knew she needed to work harder, be a nicer person. Vanessa was worth it. Game face back on, she headed down the stairs.

Vanessa looked up at her and grinned, a plastic dinosaur holding a spoon halted midway towards Moses' open mouth. Moses was leaning towards the spoon, snapping his mouth and growling, whilst Johnny looked on in awe.

Charity smiled at the scene, before heading over to kiss each of the three on the top of their heads. "Babe, how have you got Moses to eat Porridge? It's a minor miracle!"

Vanessa's grin grew wider and her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "It's not actual porridge is it Moses? It's Velociraptor food, full of protein and goodness." Moses gulped a spoonful and grinned at his mum. "Ness is helping the T-Rex to feed me coz he can't fly and the Dactil has a poorly wing too so he can't fly at my mouth either."

Charity leaned down and spoke seriously to Johnny, "And what about you Johnnybobs? Any beasts involved in your breakfast?" Johnny moved his head towards Charity's ear and whispered. "I like porridge. No need dinos."

Charity turned back towards Vanessa, watching as Ness made the T-Rex stomp through the air towards Moses again, balancing to tiny spoon between its plastic claws. And it hit her again. This need. This urge. She fought valiantly to stop the words from just erupting from her mouth. But it was getting harder. It seemed that every day her girlfriend would do something, or look at her with those adoring eyes, and she was floored. Her brain lost control and it was everything she could do to stop blurting it straight out.

The temptation to bolt from this was great, but Charity had learned her lesson with Vanessa. Her codebreaking skills were second to none, and V would know that something was wrong. So she adopted her air of nonchalance, and stooped to peck her girlfriend on the cheek, "I'm off to open up for the Dray. Are you ok with Moses for a bit?"

Ness just smiled back and waved dinosaur back at her, "No worries. I'll take them both to the childminders", then got up and followed her to the front door. "Are you OK Charity? You seem a little off."

Charity smiled wanly, and then let her body take control. She drew Ness towards her, wrapped her arms around her and just held on, "I'm fine, honestly." After several moments of not letting go, her girlfriend gently pushed her away. "Were you just sniffing my neck?"

Charity nodded guiltily. "You know I love the way smell, keeps me going for the rest of the day." And with that she opened the door, winked at Vanessa and strode confidently to the Woolpack.

—

It was a busy lunchtime crowd, and Charity was glad of it. As well as meaning that takings would be up this week, it also meant that she had little time to be, as Chas put it, "mooning over Vanessa". Chas and Paddy had been back a few days, and since their return it felt like she and her cousin were getting closer, opening up more. She didn't know if it was Vanessa's influence but she was certainly more "huggy" these days and Chas herself had commented on it.

The front door swung open and Vanessa's distinctive yellow coat appeared, Rhona in tow. The magnetic force that seemed to always cause their eyes to come together was again at full power and her stomach fluttered at the sight of her girlfriend's gorgeous smiling face and sparkling eyes.

Charity immediately poured them their usual and leaned across the bar and into Ness for a brief kiss. Rhona sighed and raised her eyebrows, "Is the honeymoon period ever gonna be over for you two? This has been going on for months. Please say a little boredom is starting to set in!"

Chas sidled up to them all shaking her head, "Never! You should try being in the room next door to them! Paddy's starting to feel inadequate!"

Charity smiled smugly at Vanessa who looked horrified at the discussion. "Well, I haven't got bored yet have I babe?" Charity winked at her girlfriend then held her gaze for a few seconds.

Vanessa looked flustered and then started rifling through her bag, whilst muttering, "speaking of which, you left this again", producing a toothbrush pushed back into its original wrapping. She presented it to Charity, before grabbing her drink and heading off to an empty table. Rhona and Chas stared at the brush in Charity's hand. Charity shoved it under the counter and headed off to serve another customer, looking slightly put out.

—

What had started off as a busy lunch, had turned into a frantic afternoon and an even busier evening. After closing the doors on the last straggler, Chas and Charity slumped into the large sofa, sporting large mugs of tea, relieved that the day was over.

Charity grumbled as she removed her beer stained jacket and threw it across the room towards the dining chair, "Much as I'm enjoying the healthier looking takings babe, I'm starting to believe that the people in this village don't actually have jobs, and those few that do, don't bother going to them!"

Chas gazed at her mug. "Except for our other halves, the two people we do want to spend more time with. Paddy's likely to be gone all night, something about dehydrated calves."

She then looked at Charity speculatively. "I'm guessing, however, that since Vanessa can't be involved in veterinary stuff at the moment, there's a reason for you not hightailing it round to hers tonight?"

Charity sighed and played with the material on the arm of her chair. She looked cautiously at Chas, then started playing with the material again. Chas lightly touched her arm and tried to reassure her. "You know, you can talk to me about stuff Charity. I know you are probably thinking that I've got too much on my plate for you to be bothering me about your issues, but maybe it will help. Sometimes this whole thing with Margarita seems so huge, that a bit of relationship drama might take my mind of things for even a few minutes."

Charity took a deep breath before releasing it. "I don't even know where to start."

"Usually the beginning is the easiest …"

—

The problem was that the beginning was the hardest. She couldn't explain the situation with Ryan without having to relive some of the horrific times with Bails. Chas knew some of the events that had happened, but not all. Charity tried to be succinct. When it came to Ryan, she was wary of the potential pain it could cause Chas by hearing about a long lost son, when she herself was on the verge of losing her daughter.

She persevered. She guiltily explained about the drunken phone call, the letter of apology and Irene's visit and warnings to stay away from Ryan. She then moved on to the recent events with Meghan and how Vanessa had accused her of not respecting their relationship.

Chas sighed at looked at her cousin, who seemed so incredibly down and troubled. "You know what Charity? Vanessa has known you for years. She knew exactly what she was getting into when she got together with you. Did you ever promise her that you would change who you are?"

Charity shook her head, "I know, and I did actually warn her that I mess with people. That this is who I am. But the thing is, when I'm with her, I'm a better person. I'm actually starting to not hate myself quite as much when I'm with her, I'm not feeling so empty. She makes me feel like I could start to become a decent mother, a decent person. But then I fall back into my old ways, do something stupid and selfish and she calls me out on it, and I see that look of horror and then disappointment on her beautiful face. She deserves more and I so want to be that person."

Chas smiled at her cousin knowingly. "But you have changed. Everyone has noticed it. And she didn't seem to be mad at you today when she came into the bar, just a bit embarrassed by the bedroom thing, and then a bit weird about that toothbrush. What is it with that by the way?"

Charity looked embarrassed. "I was trying to do something subtle, obviously that's not my style so she completely missed it."

Chas laughed at her cousin's miffed expression and patted her hand. "Just go and tell her that you love her, life's too short to be messing around with subtlety."

Charity groaned and covered her eyes, "Is it really that obvious?"

Chas smiled and nodded. "It is to me. And it's very obvious to everyone that she is head over heals for you. She may keep telling you that she "likes" you, but you're to blame for keeping her at arms length for months on end. She positively glows when she sees you."

"Maybe I'll have that chat with her soon, but not too soon."

—

Vanessa was heading towards the swings when she spotted Chas carefully pushing herself backwards and forwards. She smiled at Johnny as he ran over to her. Chas ruffled his hair and pointed invitingly to the swing next to her.

As Johnny headed towards the climbing frame, Vanessa settled herself into the adjacent swing and looked over at Chas questioningly. "Any sign of your elusive cousin this afternoon?"

Chas grimaced, waving her phone. "She's not answering her phone, meanwhile Marlon is spitting feathers and I really can't be doing with it all!"

Vanessa nodded, watching Johnny clamber up and down the same small ladder. "She's replying to my texts but in that vague manner that she uses when she's bothered by something or in trouble. I'm not sure which is worse."

Chas smiled and decided maybe she needed to help put Vanessa out of her misery. "I'm guessing she's taking some time to process. I'm sure you've drawn your own conclusions about why Charity acts the ways she does. And I'm not just talking about the mad, illegal, stupid, selfish, random things that seem to have been her trademark for years. I'm talking about her relationships and why they never seem to succeed."

Vanessa nodded in understanding. "Believe me, I've given it all a lot of thought, but Charity is like one of those puzzles that sometimes can't be solved. Just when I think I'm getting there, there's another twist, another angle that I need to get my head around."

Chas placed her hand on Vanessa's. "You do realise that you're the only one that has tried to get your head around who she is and why she does what she does?"

Vanessa nodded and her eyes glistened. "I love her so much, but I'm so scared that if I tell her, she'll bolt, and I'll never see her again."

Chas laughed. "Well, you certainly do wear your heart on your sleeve. Charity doesn't. But she was trying to tell you something with the toothbrush."

Ness looked confused. "The toothbrush? She forgets it and leaves it at mine all the time. She says she doesn't want to go down that slippery slope towards relationship dullness."

Chas smiled. "She was trying to be subtle. It was a new toothbrush. That was Charity being romantic. Just not doing it very well."

—

TBC


End file.
